Princess Bubblegum: (to Finn and Jake) Alright, guys. Hammer all these safety signs around this dungeon hole. I've gotta jet off on my swan to take care of some royal junk.
Finn: You got it, Princess.
Jake: Whatever you want, mama.
Princess Bubblegum: Bubblegum, away!!
(Finn nails a sign with a sledgehammer, and Jake uses his fists as hammers)
Jake: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Finn: There. That's the last sign, Jake. Now no one will go down this hole, ever. Probably a lot of dangerous, awesome stuff down this hole. I better go take a look.
(Finn jumps down the hole, and Jake fishes him out using his arm as a fishing pole and line)
Jake: Don't, dude. For you see, that's the secret entrance to the dungeon of the crystal eye!
Jake: Legend has it that the eye rests in the deepest chamber of this accursed dungeon. Man, we shouldn't even be talkin' about it, 'cause it's lunch time. (holds out picnic equipment)
("LUNCH TIME" logo pops up)
Finn: The crystal eye. I wanna meet this dungeon.
Jake: Maybe after lunch.
Finn: Eh, I'll skip lunch. Just catch up with me when you are finished.
Jake: *Pfft* Yeah, right.
Jake: Without the aid of my magnificent powers... (shapes hand into bottle opener and opens a bottle of water)...Huh? Huh? You'd get killed down there.
Finn: Hey! I can do things without you! You wanna bet I can't?
Jake: Nope. Come get your sandwich. (using Finn's sandwich as a puppet) Listen to Jake, Finn. He only wants what's best for--(Jake bites Finn's sandwich) (using sandwich puppet, muffled) Ahh! Help me! Ahh! Come put her out of her misery, dude!
Finn: We are betting! I bet that I'll get that crystal eye and be back within 11 minutes. (quickly) Ready set go!(jumps down hole)
Jake: (sighs) I better go after him.
Jake (as sandwich puppet): No, Jake! Stay here, with me...
Jake: Oh, my... (makes out with the sandwich)
(scene switches to inside the dungeon.)
Finn: Dungeons! Chambers! Woah. (sees monsters everywhere) Evil creatures! (laughs as monsters chase him)Treasure chests! (treasure chest is actually a mimic monster, Finn laughs, jumps away as the creature tries to punch him, then the creature vomits gold, coins, doubloons, and rings and rubies)
Finn: Doorways! (floorboards try to close on him) Traps! (Long jumps out of trap) I'm in my elemeeeeeeeeent!!(Lands in chamber, sees a kitten's head sticking out of a black cave entrance)
(cat head turns upside down and ominously meows)
Finn: (freaked out) Oh?
(A demonic cat with a kitten for a tongue comes out, and sucks his tongue back in his mouth)
Finn: Whoa! Somebody come pick up your freaky cat.
Demon Cat: Greetings, Frank the Human Boy.
Finn: How did you almost know my name?!
Demon Cat: I have approximate knowledge of many things. For instance, I know that I am possibly going to slay you and munch on your eyeballs. (circles Finn)
Finn: Huh, yeah right. That sounds like idiot talk!
Demon Cat: You're trespassing on my dungeon, manling. And I am the thing... (brandishes claws) ...you should be afraid of.
Finn: You can't hurt me! I'm a radical boy on a mission for the crystal eye!
Demon Cat: I'm going to unzip your skin and wear you like a little coat.
Finn: Unzip this! (does an armpit-fart, jumps back)
(the Demon Cat leaps at him)
Finn: Bleep! (Demon Cat holds him down, and fiendishly bites at him) OOF!
(Finn punches him, the Demon Cat's eyes fill up with blood)
Demon Cat: Now, you DIE!! (leaps at Finn, and tears up his clothes, then stops)
Demon Cat: Wait a minute. (sniffs twice) Is that dog smell?! You... you have a dog with you? I'm outta here! (runs away)
Finn: Yeah, right! Good excuse! Slaps, that cat was kicking my buns! And it might have finished my buns if it weren't for Jake's stank. Dang it, Jake! I'll get that crystal eye on my own! With my own odors. (walks by 3 different doors) Hmm, no to skeletal remains door. (sees a door that is a monsters mouth, Finn kicks in a skeleton and a trap closes on it) No to giant monster mouth door. (sees key door) Oh! Giant key door it is! (tries to open, but it's locked) If Jake was here, he could stretch his hand into a key and open it. (shapes his hand like a key) Yeah! Key hand! (tries to open the door, but bruises his hand) Ouch! (notices a green glow coming from a hatch) Hey! What the jug is that? (crawls in) Oh, sweet, the key! (singing) Oh, key, we're meant to be, I want to have your baby. Oh key, you're so good to me... (reaches for key, which is inside a gelatinous green jelly cube) Ew, jelly cube?! (tries to get the key but almost gets sucked in) Come on! Give it to me! Don't flaunt it if you're not gonna give it up!(screaming, falls out of the cube) I'll never get that crystal eye! No. No, I just gotta stay pumped. (starts dancing, and singing) Pump it up, pump it up! Whoo! Whoo! Shake it! Shake it! Ahh! (falls through the floor, lands in a waterfall chamber) Steady, Finn. This place is probably more creeped out of you, than you are of it. (jumps onto the floor)
Bucket Knight: Halt! Come no further adventurer, for you see none can defeat... the Bucket Knight! (he appears to be very small)
Finn: Okay, then I won't fight you.
Bucket Knight: No! You must challenge me to-- (Finn interrupts him)
Finn: Hey cutie, do you know how to get to the crystal eye from here?
Bucket Knight: Yes, it's through that door over there, but-- (Finn runs past him)
Bucket Knight: Hey! You can't pass through that door with out battling me!
Finn: Yes, I can. Because I'm huge compared to you.
Bucket Knight: (to himself) Just add water and... (pours water on himself) ...exponential growth!
Finn: Aw, buckets.
Bucket Knight: Now, activate thine own powers, and we shall engage in thrilling single combat!
Finn: (nervously) Heh, thing is... I don't really... have any powers.
Bucket Knight: (smiles) I see...
Finn: (gets chased by Bucket Knight) AAAAH!! Dang it, Jake wouldn't be running! He'd grow all big, and sock you right in the nose hole! (Bucket Knight kicks the gorund, which it's vibration sends Finn flying) Aw, nutzoids! (tries to run away, but Bucket Knight slides on the ground, causing Finn to once again, go flying) Come on! All aboard the knuckle train to fist planet! (jumps up, but Bucket Knight punches him far, bruising him really badly) Oww... I rode the knuckle train? But... I... I'm in my element. (runs away and finally gets to the door, but the Bucket Knight is right behind him. Before he could hit Finn, Finn jumps through the door) AHHHHH!!!! Ow! OW! Ow! OW! Ow! Uhh! That... sucked. (takes a deep breath) Alright, Finn, you're in a heavy pickle here. You don't have Jake, and you're on your own. But you can still handle this. You can still get that crystal eye! (the Demon Cat is awake and crawls on a ledge an sees Finn)
Demon Cat: Hey, my dinner is back. And your dog isn't with you! That's what you said, right? Jack the Dog is not "accompanying" you?
Finn: You mean Jake?
Demon Cat: Jake, Jack, whatever. He's not here, which means I'm going to rip your heart out. (chases Finn)
Finn: Crud, crud, crud, crud, crud!
Demon Cat: You can't hide from me, Jim. I know almost everything, remember? I know exactly where you might be, Jim. I'm about to pounce on you. (Finn sits behind a rock pillar, nervous and scared) One... two... three! (jumps behind a rock) Aw, man! I thought you'd be behind this rock. Hmm... (sniffs twice) Alright. I know where you are now! And I'm about to pounce again! (Finn gets more scared) One... two... three! (jumps behind another rock) Aw, man! Well, there's only a few more places to look.
Finn: Oh, Jake... I'm such a fool. A silly, silly fool. (a hand touches his mouth) Who the heck--?!
Guardian Angel: Heeey, it's okay. Shhh, I'm your guardian angel, Finn. I'm here to save you. Here, let the angel pick you up.
Finn: Okay. (flies away with the angel, laughs) This is radical.
Guardian Angel: Are you hungry? Would you like some snacks?
Finn: I'm fine, thank you.
Guardian Angel: Here, let me clean you up, and mend your clothes. (she casts healing magic to clean up Finn and fix his clothes)
Finn: Ha ha!
Guardian Angel: I'm taking you to the chamber of the Crystal Eye....
Finn :Aww, yeah!
Guardian Angel: ... where I'm going to cook you and eat your flesh.
Finn: Wow... Wait! What??!
Guardian Angel: Trust in your (The '"angel" shows her true colors as her face misshapens into a hideous form, and a raspy voice) guardian angel!
Finn: Put me down, lady!
Angel of Death: As you wish. (she drops Finn in a cage full of soup and ingredients)
Finn: Man, everybody wants to eat me up. It's probably 'cause I'm so sweet.
Angel of Death: Now for little kid soup. (lights a fire) The secret is a low flame over a long period.
Finn: That's Jake's secret, too. I sure hope he saves me.
Guardian Angel: (flies away with beautiful face) I will save thee, Finn.
Finn: Lady, you are sick! Oh, Jake...
Finn: Where were you?!
Jake: I was looking for you, knucklehead! I was so worried, that right after lunch, I plunged into the dungeon after you.
Jake: Strangest thing, though, I kept runnin' into obstacles.
Reaper: Choose your dueling weapon!
Jake: Uh... I choose... sandwich! (he fights the reaper)
Jake: (voiceover) The challenges were impossible for me.
(a monster makes Jake chase a laser pointer)
Jake: (voiceover) But you would have blown right through. I kept thinking to myself, "What would Finn do?" Just...eh, frustrating. Know what I mean?
Finn: Yeah... I think I do. (both chuckle, there's a moment of silence)
("NEWFOUND RESPECT" logo pops up as they awkwardly handshake)
Finn: Now let's find a way out of this cage.
Jake: I'll get us out with key hand!
Finn: I really don't see any key holes on this cage.
Jake: Not a problem, man. Lock hand!
Finn: (laughs) I'll get us out of here, with carrot hand!
(takes a carrot and lights it on fire, and gives it to Jake. Jake sets the cage's rope on fire, and it drops on the Guardian Angel, killing her)
Jake: Alright, man. Let's go! We've still got a couple minutes left to steal that crystal eye and win your bet.
Finn: Wait! You'd help me win a bet that I made that I said I could accomplish something without you?
Jake: Just hop on my powdered doughnut, boy!
Finn: Cling! (Finn laughs, and Jake carries him to the chamber of the crystal eye)
Jake: Alright, man. Let's give this crystal eye the old friendship lift.
Both: Friendship, go!
(eye creatures fly out and Finn and Jake try to kill them, but they melt their weapons)
Finn: If I die, I'll have died with my best friend!
Jake: Me, too!
(Princess Bubblegum flies in on her swan, angry)
Princess Bubblegum: Get on my swan!
(Finn and Jake hop on her swan, which kills all the eye creatures with laser eyes)
Princess Bubblegum: I hope you learned a lesson from all this!
Both: Uh, we learned that working together is better. Heh, whatever.
(Princess Bubblegum growls)
Jake: (whispers to Finn) Looks like that's not the answer she wanted.
Finn: Uhh... I learned that you're a very... intelligent princess?
Princess Bubblegum: You're darn right I am. Princess Bubblegum, away!!
(The three break out of the dungeon riding the swan. The episode ends.)